Not *actually* the Beatles.
January 26, 1999
The Top 14 Super Powers Most Coveted by Dogs
- Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water.
- ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel.
- AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when copulating in driveway.
- Skeetvision -- The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky.
- SuperBladder, loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the leg and this town is mine!
- SquirrelFreeze
- AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without actually having to get up and move around.
- John-O-Matic -- Turn any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will.
- ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train!
- AntiPsych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw" nonsense.
- VacuCalm -- Utter self control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on.
- GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes.
- King Fido's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into crap.
and the Number 1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...
- DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.
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Selected from 141 submissions from 51 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1, Runner Up list name Email
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 2
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 3 Email / Website
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 4, 5 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 5
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 5 Email
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 5, 8
- Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 6 Email / Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 9 Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 10 Email
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 10
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 10
- Zach Garland, Dallas, TX -- 10
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 11
- Lisa Oliver, London, England -- 12 Email
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 12
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 13
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 14 Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag, Topic Email
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Hole, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
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