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Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
October 1, 1998
The Top 13 Ways the British Royal Family
Can Modernize the Monarchy
- Lop off Charlie's ears for streamlined aerodynamic styling and increased fuel-efficiency.
- Trade in Royal Sceptre for a huge foam finger with "Born to Rule" on it.
- Group appearance on Jerry Springer on "Inbreeding Monarchies" show.
- Get Spotted Dick off the royal menu once and for all.
- Elton John tributes for everybody!
- Convicted witches now microwaved at the stake.
- Have the queen wear her tiara backwards and rap her speeches as The Notorious H.R.M. Liz Crowny Crown and the RoyL Cru.
- Upgrade Royal Boombox from 8-track to cassette.
- www.ourfirstbeheading.com
- Void left by Ginger filled by the Queen Mum as "Dustfarter Spice."
- For knighthood ceremony: Out with the sword, in with the head butt!
- Replace wooden stick up ass with graphite stick up ass.
and the Number 1 Way the Royal Family Can Modernize the Monarchy...
- Two words: Extreme Foxhunting
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Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
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Selected from 121 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, Runner Up list name Email / Website (13th #1)
- David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 2 Email / Website
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 2 Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 3 Email
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA -- 4
- Patrick Douglas Crispen, Univ of Alabama -- 5 Email / Website
- Rich Taylor, Arlington, VA -- 6 Email
- Jason Anthoine, Alpharetta, GA -- 7
- Lisa Oliver, London, England -- 7, 12, Topic Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 8 Email
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 9
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 11 Email / Website
- Shari Fisch, Jerusalem, Israel -- Ambience Suggestion
- Jimmy White, Austin, TX -- Birthday Boy! Email
- Chris White, Back in the USA -- List Owner/Editor Hall of Famer
- Elvis Presley, Tupelo, MS -- Ambience
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