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Nowhere in the galaxy will you find a more treacherous hive of scum and villainy.
October 2, 1998
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's guest moderator, R.M. Weiner, is the creator of
The Adventures of the Boy with Immovable Hair (on the web at
http://members.aol.com/tbwih ), which has inspired comments from
readers like "What the hell?" and "You need to go out more."
He is currently pursuing an MFA in stage management from
The California Institute of the Arts outside of El Lay.
In his free time, R.M. is either curled into a ball in
the corner of his room, crying, or enjoying cheese.
[And today is his birthday!]
The Top 13 Signs That Evil Forces are Out to Get You
- Only job you can get: Post Office Employee Grievance Counselor.
- All the videotapes in your house have been recorded over with "Ally McBeal" and "Dawson's Creek" re-runs.
- Whenever you get to the punchline, all you can think of are funny hurricane names.
- Every morning, a huge black raven lands on your window sill, and then tries to sign you up to a record club.
- AT&T, Sprint and MCI all STOP calling for fear of association with you.
- 36D, blonde, and you've decided the best way to cope with the gruesome murders of your sorority sisters is with a hot, relaxing shower.
- Channel 1 -- The WB, Channel 2 -- The WB, Channel 3 - The WB. AAAAAAAAAH!!!
- Every day another email mocking you and calling you Chester.
- Another night, another bat symbol in the sky... I NEED SATURDAY NIGHT OFF, YOU BASTARDS!!!
- At the DUI checkpoint, you hear one officer say to another, "These are not the 'droids we're looking for."
- Three words: Tang price fixing!!
- Roommate's note on fridge: "Evil Forces called. Will try back later."
and the Number 1 Sign That Evil Forces are Out to Get You...
- Mimes... everywhere you look: MIMES!!!
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 109 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 1, 9 (12th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2, 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 3 Email
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 5, Runner Up list name
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 6
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 7 Email / Website
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 8
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 11 Email
- Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL -- 12 Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 13 Email
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
- Gregory Weinkauf, Canterbury, CA -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Santana, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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