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Proud sponsors of backwards governors everywhere.
October 5, 1998
The Top 12 Signs Your Hollywood Career is Over
(Part I)
- Your new directorial assignment? "Saving Private Ryan II: The Musical."
- Announcement on back of Church Bulletin reads, "Saturday 9/26 - Annual Bazaar with special appearance by Sinbad."
- You learned to spell and divorced your cousin. (Oops! Those are signs your *DOLLYWOOD* career is over.)
- You net a "Has-Been Hat Trick": Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and Chips.
- "Direct to video?" Your last movie shipped "direct to landfill."
- The TeleTubbies now have your private table at Spago's and you've been moved near the kitchen, behind Joe Piscopo.
- The mob waiting for you to emerge from your hotel room consists of vice squad cops and paparazzi.
- You're now officially only one degree of separation from Pauley Shore.
- Despite your attempts to pass it off as a "product placement," everybody knows you simply had toilet paper stuck to your shoe throughout your last film.
- Let's just say that, of the Streisand-Brolin's, you're the one who can't sing.
- Despite the success of your "Naked Gun" films, the only script you've been sent recently was, "I Know What You Did To Ron & Nicole."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Hollywood Career is Over...
- Your agent can't decide whether to promote you as "The next Lou Ferrigno" or "A thinking man's Urkel."
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Selected from 131 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Dave George, Arlington, VA -- 1 (11th #1)
- David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 1 (7th #1) Email / Website
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 2
- Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 3 Email
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 5
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 7, 9 Email
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 7 Email
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada -- 10 Email
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 12
- Buck Joyce, whereabouts unknown -- Topic
- Kenny Smith, Auburn -- Banner Tag
- Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- David Lee Roth, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
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