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Hey! What are you looking at?!?
October 14, 1998
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Guest Moderator Bill Muse works at Microsoft,
where he makes all the Janet Reno pinatas for company parties.
"They're pretty easy", he says. "Just take a life-size
Chewbacca doll, throw on glasses, a skirt, and a blazer,
then fill it with candy and grab a broomstick."
The Top 13 Signs You've Joined the
Wrong Martial Arts School
(Part II)
- Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.
- First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
- Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
- The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.
- The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
- The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.
- Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.
- Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
- Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
- Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"
- You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.
- Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...
- Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-ass" on someone?
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
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Selected from 123 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1 (20th #1) Email / Website
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 2
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 3 Email
- Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT -- 4, 13 Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 5, 8 Email
- Tom Louderback, Boston, MA -- 6 Email
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 7, 11 Email
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 10 Email
- Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 10
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 12 Email
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Curt Coman, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
- David Hoffmann, Fort Worth, TX -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Del Rubio Triplets, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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