Use as directed and feel fresh all day long.
October 19, 1998
The Top 13 Signs You Watch Too Much TV
- Your co-workers are oblivious to the fact that your "DayTimer" is really a leather-bound TV Guide.
- You're still trying to find a publisher for your book "C-Span for Dummies."
- You have DSS, DVD, HBO, MTV, HDTV, MSNBC -- and HSA (Huge Sofa Ass).
- To reduce "downtime" -- you got an *elective* colostomy.
- Last night you dreamt Sally Struthers begged you to send money to buy rice for poor, starving Ally McBeal.
- Your name: Nick
Nickelodeon's new channel: Nick for Nick
- You write daily to the producers of "Bassmasters" to urge them come out with movie version.
- Your last comment to your most recent ex-wife: "Shhhhhhh! T.J. Hooker's on."
- You effortlessly crack walnuts with your clicker thumb.
- Forget the dish, *you* have your own friggin' satellite.
- As surgeons painstakingly remove the petrified Cheetos embedded in your gargantuan ass cheeks, you spend the entire 7 hours staring dumbly at the EKG monitor.
- Those 37 electrocutions still don't deter you from watching cartoons in the shower.
and the Number 1 Sign You Watch Too Much TV...
- The last time you *read* for enjoyment was when they subtitled Arnold the Pig on an episode of Green Acres.
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Selected from 120 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 1 (2nd #1) Email
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 2, 5 Email
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 4, 11 Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 5, 8 Email
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 5, 13
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 6 Email
- Michelle Burke, San Francisco, CA -- 7, 9
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 10 Email / Website
- Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT -- 12 Email
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 13 Email
- Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA -- Topic
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- The Tubes, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience
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