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Episode 471: Beaver blows up the Dairy Queen
October 20, 1998
The Top 13 Signs You Won't be
Named Homecoming King or Queen
- Homecoming Queen Mum won't abdicate or die.
- Despite the fact that you confessed, and that some portions of the school weren't badly burned, the principal has vindictively removed you from the running.
- Too busy visiting your homeroom teacher and your new baby at the prison hospital to attend the festivities.
- Classmates still sore about you opening fire on them in the cafeteria.
- You managed to garner the support of the President of the United States but those AV club bastards caught you doing it and sent the tape to Ken Starr.
- Too busy helping with local Star Trek convention to think about anything else.
- Your big pep rally speech, "Football should be abolished because it distracts us from our studies," seemed like a progressive idea at the time.
- One word: pus
- When you and the janitor are on a first-name basis, you ain't gonna be no homecoming anything, protractor-boy.
- You were already elected Homecoming Ho.
- Your scrawny neck barely supports your bulbous head, and the added weight of the crown would no doubt snap it like a dry twig.
- School name: Eldridge Cleaver High.
Your name: Mark Fuhrman, Jr.
and the Number 1 Sign You Won't be Named Homecoming King or Queen...
- Your loss in the all-night Dungeons & Dragons marathon for the "Championship of the Cosmos" means that you have to vote for your friend, Marvin.
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Selected from 123 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 1, 11 (11th #1)
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- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 3 Email
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 4, 6
- Jason Anthoine, Alpharetta, GA -- 5
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI -- 6 Email / Website
- Jim Key, Garland, TX -- 6
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Lisa Oliver, London, England -- 8 Email
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY -- 9 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 13 Email
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
- Eric Foster, Altamonte Springs, FL -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Joe "King" Carrasco, Austin, TX -- Ambience
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