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Where the laughs don't stop on Election Day
November 5, 1998
The Top 13 Changes Under a Government Run by Pro Wrestlers
- Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
- President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.
- IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
- Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...
- Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
- Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
- January 20: Inauguration ceremonies
January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids
- Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.
- During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.
- Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
- Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.
- Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
and the Number 1 Change Under a Government Run by Pro Wrestlers...
- Before: Mr. Vice President
After: Stone Cold Al Gore
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Selected from 108 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 1 (12th #1)
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 2
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Don Swain, Waterford, MI -- 4 Email / Website
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 5 Email
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 5 Email
- Jon Litfin, Columbus, OH -- 6 Email
- Alan Wagner, Pittsburg, KS -- 7
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 8, 10 Email
- Gerard McDonald, New Haven, CT -- 9
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA -- 10 Email / Website
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 10 Email / Website
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 11, 12
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 13 Email / Website
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 13, Topic
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- Banner Tag Email
- Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Niacin, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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