|
|
Made Fresh Daily
November 9, 1998
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In the aftermath of the dismal showing by the Republican Party in last
week's elections, Newt Gingrich, chief architect of the Republicans'
"Contract With America," announced that he will retire from Congress
rather than risk the embarrassment of being ousted by his own party
from his position as Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.
The Top 13 Items on Newt Gingrich's To-Do List
- Bribe college officials into letting me teach an ethics class.
- Before turning in House MasterCard, book first class tickets for urgent fact-finding mission to Tahiti.
- 1) Borrow another $300,000 from Bob Dole
2) Go to The Gap
3) Buy Trans Am
4) Grow goatee
5) Hire interns
- Switch to new, cooler nickname: "Salamander"
- Now that I've got some time, put flowers on first wife's grave.
- Nothing out of the ordinary: Write a few articles, make a couple of luncheon speeches, do some needlepoint.
- Dismantle social programs: Done.
Restructure tax laws to further benefit the wealthy: Done.
Have democratically-elected President impeached for getting some: ...Damn!
- Put a stop payment on most recent check to Paula Jones.
- Retain lawyer for breach of contract suit against Satan.
- Promote newest book: "Quitting for Dummies"
- Reduce dosage of mean-bastard pills.
- Call Limbaugh and Buchanan about "3 Windbags" mega-tour.
and Top5's Number 1 Item on Newt Gingrich's To-Do List...
- Tell Democrats that their lips "can make a contract with my ass."
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Join today!
|
Selected from 84 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, Runner Up list name (14th #1) Email / Website
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 2 Email / Website
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 3, 10
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 4, Topic Hall of Famer
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 5
- Gerard McDonald, New Haven, CT -- 6 Email
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 8 Email
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 9
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 10, 13 Email
- Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 11
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 12
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- Topic Email
- Kate McClare, Ft. Lauderdale, FL -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Cat Stevens, facing Mecca -- Ambience
|
|
|
|
|
|
© Copyright 1994-2010. All rights reserved.
TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
|
|
|
