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I love you. Lay down with me. Can I read you my list?
November 10, 1998
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The classic movie "The Wizard of Oz" has recently
been re-released here in the U.S.
The Top 13 Changes in the New "Wizard of Oz"
- Newly-restored scene shows the Munchkins asking the Wizard for testicles.
- Scarecrow, Tinman and Cowardly Lion now referred to as the "PETA-Approved Crow-Frightening Person of Straw", the "Non-Gender Specific Recycled Metallic American", and the "Assertiveness-Challenged Feline."
- "Wicked Witch of the West" replaced by "Misguided Independent Counsel of the Beltway"
- Restored scene in which Jabba the Hutt advises Dorothy not to dump the ruby slippers at the first sign of monkey bat attack.
- Dorothy clicks her heels and says, "There's no place like the mall".
- Victim of a careless oversight in 1939, Bob Dole is finally credited for his role as "Elderly Farm Hand #2."
- "Come with us to the Emerald City! I'm sure the Wizard can help you find the real killers!"
- Dorothy wakes up in rehab and swears she'll lay off the stuff forever.
- Through the magic of special effects, all munchkins now played by Danny DeVito, Gary Coleman and Michael J. Fox.
- Then: "Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!" Now: "Dude, I can't find a vein!"
- Vanilla Dot and little T-Dogg barely survive the drive-by from the Munchkrips.
- "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THAT INTERN!!!"
and the Number 1 Change in the New "Wizard of Oz"...
- Tin Man axes Toto after hearing "Yo quiero Taco Bell" for the zillionth time.
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Selected from 121 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Ken "O.G." Woo, Encinitas, CA -- 1 (8th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 1, 5 (5th #1)
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 2, 7
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 3 Email
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA -- 4 Email / Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5, 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 5, Banner Tag Email
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 6
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 8, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Lisa Oliver, London, England -- 9, 12 Email
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 10
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA -- 11 Email / Website
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 11
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 13 Email
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- Topic Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Ozzy Osbourne (who else?!?) -- Ambience
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