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Spanking the competition into submission.
November 11, 1998
The Top 13 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges
- Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.
- Follow-up release to "IE4" now being referred to internally as "IE5-10 with time off for good behavior."
- Must say "pretty please with jam on top" before devouring next competitor.
- Cancellation of planned "You'll think what WE tell you to think!" ad campaign.
- United Way contributions redirected towards the "Let's Buy The US Government" fund.
- Plans to begin marketing MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter quietly tabled.
- 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates' office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Feeding time for piranhas beneath trap door.
- "I don't brake for software companies" bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines.
- Internal memos no longer refer to Janet Reno as "liquor addled she-male."
- Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up.
- Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge buttwads of cash.
- Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they're lulled, club 'em to death like a baby seal.
and the Number 1 Change at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges...
- Tables turned in jail, where Bill Gates has no choice but to have "Big Louie's Inmate Explorer" installed against *his* will.
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Selected from 98 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1 (13th #1) Email / Website
- Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 2, 8
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 2, Topic (5th #1) Email / Website
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 3 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4 Email / Hall of Famer
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 5 Email
- Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT -- 6
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Paul Paternoster, Los Altos Hills, CA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 10 Email
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12, Banner Tag Email
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 13
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Project Nim, New York, NY -- Ambience Website
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