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Now in new egg-nog-gingerrbread-fruitcake flavor!
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December 4, 2006
The Top 17 Little-Known Holiday Facts
- Only the really geeky herald angels actually sing, "Hark!"
- Screw perishable popcorn and cranberries; lovingly strung garlands of Slim Jims and CornNuts will last indefinitely.
- Yule logs are named after Yul "Big Log" Brynner.
- The secret ingredient in authentic egg nog? Reindeer boogers.
- Not *every* kiss begins with Kay, but every piss begins with pee.
- Mary never let Joseph forget that he didn't think to use some of the gold, frankincense and myrrh to grease a few palms and get them a room at the inn for a couple of days.
- Santa and Mrs. Claus like to do it Donner-style.
- After imperial censors forced Tchaikovsky to change the name of his classic ballet "The Ballbuster" to "The Nutcracker," he retitled his "100-Proof Rumball Mosh" as "The Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" in their "honor."
- Most Salvation Army bell-ringer chicks can be bedded for 20 bucks and a Wal-Mart hot chocolate.
- Santa may claim his nose and cheeks are red from the cold, but the number of Tanqueray bottles stuffed into the North Pole workshop's recycling bin tells a different, sordid tale.
- It is common for prison inmates to celebrate the season by giving each other "wreatharounds."
- Rudolph was actually BANNED from playing reindeer games after his heavily favored team lost under very suspicious circumstances during the "Black Tail" betting scandal of '53.
- Ultra-Super-Turbo-Orthodox Jews have only six non-holidays a year.
- The unusually raucous "click click click" heard on many rooftops last year was Prancer and Vixen joining the Rooftop-High Club.
- Due to the nearly 100 percent likelihood of the bird flying away during the process of uprooting, transporting and replanting, "partridge in a pear tree" ranks just slightly ahead of "cat on a helicopter blade" as a practical gift.
and the Number 1 Little-Known Holiday Fact...
- Before the advent of mistletoe, it was cameltoe that prompted gentlemen to ask ladies for a kiss.
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Selected from 130 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 1 (26th #1) Hall of Famer
- Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 1 (7th #1)
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2, 13 Hall of Famer
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 3
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 5
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 6, Topic
- Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 7
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 10 Website / Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 14
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 15
- Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN -- 16
- Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 17 Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Pink, Doylestown, PA -- Ambience (explanation)
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