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Previous Top 5 Lists
February 9	Things in Common Between Disney World and the Playboy Mansion
February 8	Things the Super Bowl MVP Is Going to Do Now (Part II)
February 7	Things the Super Bowl MVP Is Going to Do Now (Part I)
February 4	Things to Watch for on Super Bowl Sunday
February 2	Euphemisms for "Friend With Benefits"
January 31	Least Popular Museum Exhibits
January 28	Five-Word Movie Reviews
January 27	no new list today
January 26	Signs Your Hooker Has a College Education
January 25	no new list today
January 24	Lines We'd Like to Hear in Horror Movies
January 21	Non-Lethal Weapons Considered by the U.S. Military
January 20	Slogans for America's Fattest Cities
January 19	People We Can Do Without
January 18	Lines From Animal Movies (Part II)
January 17	Lines From Animal Movies (Part I)
January 1-16	on hiatus
December 31	Reasons 2005 Is Totally Going to Rock
December 30	Reasons 2005 Is Totally Going to Suck
December 29	Items in TopFive's End-of-Year Clearance Sale
December 28	Rejected College Bowl Affiliations
December 27	Holiday Songs for People Who Hate the Holidays
December 23	Things Overheard at ClausCo International
December 22	Signs a Drug Should Be Recalled
December 21	Signs the Holiday Season Has People Stressed Out (Part II)
December 20	Signs the Holiday Season Has People Stressed Out (Part I)
December 17	Things NOT to Say at Your Company's Holiday Party
December 16	Signs You're Not Spending Your Lotto Winnings Wisely
December 15	Classic Rock Christmas Carols (Part II)
December 14	Classic Rock Christmas Carols (Part I)
December 13	Other Ways to Say "Duh!"
December 10	Signs Someone's Having Sleep Sex
December 9	Signs an Athlete Is About to Lose It
December 8	Bad Ideas for a Siegfried and Roy Replacement Act
December 7	Things Preventing You From Winning a Nobel Prize
December 6	Hotel Chains in Hell
December 3	Worst Baby Nursery Themes
December 2	Indications a Celebrity Isn't Legit
December 1	Names for Roller Derby Chicks (Part II)
November 30	Names for Roller Derby Chicks (Part I)
November 29	Lesser-Known Food Miracles
November 25-26	Holiday -- no lists
November 24	Clever Turkey Thanksgiving Quips
November 23	Homeland Security Measures Adopted for the Holiday Season
November 22	Terrorist Perfumes
November 19	Differences Between BooKs and BooBs (Part II)
November 18	Differences Between BooKs and BooBs (Part I)
November 17	Reasons We're Not Watching the Miss America Pageant
November 16	Signs Gas Is Too Damn Expensive
November 15	Things We Would Have Seen Under a Kerry Administration
November 8-12	Out of the office.
November 5	Signs the Left Is Unhappy With the Election Results
November 4	Election-Related Headlines
November 3	Things to Expect During a Second Bush Term
November 2	Things Overheard at Polling Places Today
November 1	Shots Fired During the Presidential Race
October 29	Differences If the President Were an Animal
October 28	Signs Your TV Is Posessed by Evil Spirits
October 27	Reasons You Really Shouldn't Wear that Halloween Costume
October 26	Least Popular Halloween Treats
October 25	Signs Florida Is Preparing to Screw Up the Election Again
October 22	Signs Your Co-Workers Have Discovered Your Secret Identity
October 21	Songs About Robots
October 20	Programs on PinkTV
October 19	Compromise Date Movies
October 18	Rejected Slogans for the Nader Campaign
October 15	Worst Lines From Romantic Comedies
October 14	Signs Your School Is Serving Liquor
October 13	Signs You're Drinking a Caffeinated Beer
October 12	Differences Between a Chicken's Neck and a Penis (R-rated)
October 12	Differences Between a Chicken's Neck and a Penis (X-rated)
October 11	Things Overheard in Martha Stewart's Cell
October 8	Ways Our Lives Would Be Different Without Numbers
October 7	Things Overheard at D&D's 30th Birthday Party
October 6	Rejected Portions of the Dick Cheney Oath
October 5	Signs Pamela Anderson Is Your Sunday School Teacher
October 4	Reasons to Shop for a Casket at Costco (Part II)
October 1	Things Overheard at Last Night's Presidential Debate (Undecided version)
October 1	Things Overheard at Last Night's Presidential Debate (Righty version)
October 1	Things Overheard at Last Night's Presidential Debate (Lefty version)
September 30	Reasons to Shop for a Casket at Costco (Part I)
September 29	Features of Hooters Hotel and Casino
September 28	Signs a Jury Is High
September 27	Truth-in-Advertising Names of Personal Care Products
September 24	Signs Your Truck Is TOO DAMN BIG (Part II)
September 23	Signs Your Truck Is TOO DAMN BIG (Part I)
September 22	Shows in the Terrorist TV Network's New Fall Lineup
September 21	Hurricane-Name Combinations
September 20	Fake Urine Products
September 17	Movies Starring Monkeys (Part II)
September 16	Movies Starring Monkeys (Part I)
September 15	Things Overheard at the Burning Man Festival
September 14	Amish Comedian Punchlines
September 13	Signs the Department of Homeland Security Is Getting Outdated Information
September 10	Interesting Celebrity Anagrams (Part II)
September 9	Interesting Celebrity Anagrams (Part I)
September 8	Famous Movie Quotes as Remembered by President Bush
September 8	Famous Movie Quotes as Spoken by President Bush
September 7	Signs You're Being Rescued by David Lee Roth
September 6	Holiday -- no list today.
September 3	Things Overheard at the Republican National Convention
September 2	Excuses for Being Drunk, Naked and Covered With Nacho Cheese
September 1	Rejected Titles for the New Star Wars Film (Part II)
August 31	Rejected Titles for the New Star Wars Film (Part I)
August 30	Events in the 2004 Political Olympics
August 27	No list today
August 26	Reasons for Low Attendance at the 2004 Olympics
August 25	Olympics Events We'd Like to See
August 24	Signs You're Becoming Obsessed With the Olympics
August 23	Worst Jobs in the Olympic Village
August 20	Excuses Given by the USA Men's Olympic Basketball Team
August 19	Signs Generation-Xers Are Growing Up
August 18	Signs You're a Lousy Street Performer
August 17	City Slogans (Part II)
August 16	City Slogans (Part I)
August 1-15	on hiatus
July 30	Changes in Barbie's Life Now That She Has a New Boyfriend
July 29	Things Overheard During Saddam's Trial
July 28	Signs You're a Man Trapped in a Woman's Body (Part II)
July 27	Signs You're a Man Trapped in a Woman's Body (Part I)
July 26	Signs You're a Woman Trapped in a Man's Body (Part II)
July 23	Signs You're a Woman Trapped in a Man's Body (Part I)
July 22	Ways Chris Celebrated His Birthday Yesterday
July 21	no list today
July 20	Songs for Viagra Commercials
July 19	Reasons for Masturbating in Court (Part II)
July 16	Reasons for Masturbating in Court (Part I)
July 15	Signs a Spaceship Is Homemade
July 14	Things Overheard at the Women-Running-the-World Conference
July 13	Signs the Reality TV Craze Is Out of Control
July 12	Euphemisms for Slacking at Work
July 9	Alternate Titles for Fahrenheit 9/11 (Left-Wing Loon version)
July 8	Alternate Titles for Fahrenheit 9/11 (Right-Wing Wacko version)
July 7	Differences Under President J.Lo
July 6	Beatles Songs Re-Written for Country-Western Artists
July 5	Holiday -- no list today
July 2	Differences If America Were Still Under British Rule (USA version)
July 2	Differences If America Were Still Under British Rule (UK version)
July 1	Complaints of Zombies
June 30	Signs a Co-Worker's Not Really Into Hip-Hop
June 29	Songs From "Dracula: The Musical!"
June 28	Signs Your Neighbor Is a Mad Scientist
June 25	Signs You've Had Too Much to Drink
June 24	Worst Jobs in Show Business
June 23	Indications Harry Potter Is Going Through Puberty
June 22	Reasons You Won't Be Participating in the Summer Olympics
June 21	Signs You've Hired the Wrong Interior Decorator
June 18	Famous Movie Quotes Re-Written as Haiku (Part III)
June 17	Features of the Queen Mary 2 Running Windows
June 16	Things Overheard at the Pearly Gates
June 15	Mistakes Made by Dumb Kidnappers
June 14	Ways We Celebrated the Olsen Twins' 18th Birthdays
June 11	Iraqi Wines
June 10	Signs You Were Conceived From Old Sperm
June 9	Chinese Translations of English Movie Titles (Part III)
June 8	Appropriate Ways to Die on the Job
June 7	Slogans for MTV Condoms
June 4	Signs You Have Too Many Children
June 3	Companies Using Poo-Power
June 2	Signs a Clown Is Hiding Dark Secrets
June 1	Drawbacks of Face Transplants (Part II)
May 31	Holiday -- no list today
May 28	Drawbacks of Face Transplants (Part I)
May 27	Things We Miss the Most About High School
May 26	Ways We Can Stick It to the Oil Companies
May 25	Signs You Need Anger-Management Counseling (Part II)
May 24	Signs You Need Anger-Management Counseling (Part I)
May 21	Signs You're Eating a 25-Year-Old Happy Meal
May 20	Titles in Cosmo's Spirituality Column
May 19	Pick-Up Lines Used by News Anchors
May 18	"Safe Porn" Movies (R-rated)
May 18	"Safe Porn" Movies (X-rated)
May 17	Apology Cards for the Bush Administration to Send to Iraqi Prisoners
May 14	Sorry, no new list today.
May 13	Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Parent-Teacher Conference
May 12	Surprising Facts Found in The Da Vinci Code
May 11	Signs the Call Center Employee You're Dealing With Is Overseas
May 10	Recent Secret Service Busts
May 7	Least Successful Fad Diets
May 6	Signs You Won't Be Giving a Commencement Speech
May 5	Tips Donald Trump Has for His New Apprentice
May 4	Ways TopFive Contributors Celebrated National Humor Month
May 3	Signs Your Prom Date Is William Hung
April 30	Manufactured Controversies
April 29	Celebrity Contributions to Humanity
April 28	Things One Might Hear on NRA Radio
April 27	Signs You're a Slut
April 26	Least Cool Ways to Die
April 23	Rejected Commandments (Part II)
April 22	Rejected Commandments (Part I)
April 21	Cereals for Substance Abusers
April 20	Books Written for Children of Conservatives
April 19	Books Written for Children of Liberals
April 16	Scenes in The Passion of the Scientologists
April 15	Rediscovered Episodes of Classic TV Shows
April 14	Personal Ads Placed by Animals
April 13	Phrases Trademarked by Celebrities
April 12	Movies About Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Halftime Show
April 9	Signs an Airline No Longer Gives a Crap
April 8	Signs a School Lunch Has Been Spiked
April 7	No list published
April 6	John Kerry Campaign Slogans We'd Like to See
April 5	George W. Bush Campaign Slogans We'd Like to See
April 2	Features of a Car Designed for Women
April 1	The Top 25 Whatever
March 31	Things Overheard While Top5 List Contributors are Having Sex
March 30	Songs by the Rolling Bones
March 29	Ways NOT to Impress Your Significant Other's Friends
March 26	Indications an Athlete Is Using Steroids (Part II)
March 25	Indications an Athlete Is Using Steroids (Part I)
March 24	Signs Spring Break Has Hit Your Town
March 23	Signs Hollywood Is Recycling Ideas
March 22	Ways We Stick It to The Man
March 19	Signs You Live in the World's Dumbest Town
March 18	Things Overheard on St. Patrick's Day
March 17	Signs You're NOT the Funniest Person in America
March 16	Warnings on Condom Packages (Part II)
March 15	Warnings on Condom Packages (Part I)
March 12	Johnnie Cochran Arguments in the Penis-Enlargement Trial (X-rated)
March 12	Johnnie Cochran Arguments in the Penis-Enlargement Trial (R-rated)
March 11	Selected Passages From the 20th Annual Cowboy Poetry Gathering
March 10	Signs the Groom Is Dead
March 9	Indications That Military Intelligence May Be Suspect
March 8	Things on Martha Stewart's To-Do List
March 5	Signs It's Been a VERY Cold Winter
March 4	Headlines in Animal Newspapers (Part II)
March 3	Headlines in Animal Newspapers (Part I)
March 2	Things Overheard at Post-Oscar Parties
March 1	Surprises at the Oscars
February 27	Signs Your Sergeant Is a Commie
February 26	Reasons We Love Disco
February 25	Things Overheard at TopFive's 10th Anniversary Party
February 24	List Submissions Found Behind the TopFive Refrigerator
February 23	Lessons We've Learned in 10 Years of Doing This
February 20	Things Celebrities Are Giving Up for Lent
February 19	Rhymes in the Al-Qaeda Rap Song
February 18	Predictions for 2004 (Part II)
February 17	Predictions for 2004 (Part I)
February 16	Holiday -- no list today
February 13	Things Overheard at an Animal Hotel (Part II)
February 12	Things Overheard at an Animal Hotel (Part I)
February 11	Signs Your Pet Has Been Doing Drugs
February 10	Signs a Cartoon Character Is Getting Old
February 9	Signs You're the Unluckiest Person on Earth
February 6	Items on Janet Jackson's To-Do List
February 5	Most Realistic Video Games for Teenagers
February 4	Things Overheard During the Lingerie Bowl
February 3	Surprises in the Super Bowl Halftime Show
February 2	"Sorry Your Team Lost the Super Bowl" Greeting Cards
January 30	Misguided Sequels (Part II)
January 29	Misguided Sequels (Part I)
January 28	Indications You May Have the Bird Flu
January 27	Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated)
January 27	Dishes Containing Condoms (X-rated)
January 26	Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill
January 23	Interesting Movie Triple Features
January 22	Signs Your Pet Is a Reincarnated Celebrity
January 21	Ways to Celebrate the Year of the Monkey
January 20	Other Pete Rose Confessions
January 19	Holiday -- no list today
January 16	Law Firms to Avoid (Part II)
January 15	Law Firms to Avoid (Part I)
January 14	George W. Bush Space Proposals
January 13	Quotes We Wish Were in the Lord of the Rings Movies
January 12	Things Overheard on Britney Spears' Honeymoon




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