The Top 5 Non-Lethal Weapons Considered by the U.S. Military

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January 21, 2005

~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

The U.S. military rejected a 1994 proposal to develop
an aphrodisiac to encourage homosexual activity among
enemy troops. Other spurned proposals involved using
chemicals that could be sprayed on enemy positions to
attract stinging bugs, rodents and larger animals,
and creating "severe and lasting halitosis" to help
sniff out fighters trying to blend with civilians.

What'll they think of next?

The Top 5 Non-Lethal Weapons
Considered by the U.S. Military

The RonJeremizer: Very, very large-sized condoms air-dropped behind enemy lines to demoralize their troops.
Mirrors of Ass Distortion: Strategically placed funhouse mirrors demoralize enemy by making them believe that those fatigues DO make their asses look fat.
The Dem Bomb: Turns fighters into Democrats, upon which they immediately throw down their weapons, draw up signs and organize protests, and nobody pays them any mind.
The Auntie-Combat Squad: Send in aunts to give cheek pinches and big wet kisses.
and the Number 1 Non-Lethal Weapon Considered by the U.S. Military...
Raffi-tillary: Imbeds popular toddlers' songs into enemy's heads, causing incessant rapping of forehead with butt of rifle in an attempt to drive out the never-ending chorus.

Our ClubTop5 members get to see the entire 16-item list!

Selected from 96 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Tom Louderback, Boston, MA -- 1 (5th #1)
Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 2 Website
Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 2 Hall of Famer
Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 3
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 4 Website / Hall of Famer
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
Greg Kremer, Cupertino, CA -- Topic
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- Topic Website
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Runner Up list name
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Website / Hall of Famer
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
The Crystal Method, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)




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