The Top 5 Ways NOT to Impress Your Significant Other's Friends

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In association with Russian News Agency Itar-TASS

March 29, 2004

The Top 5 Ways NOT to Impress
Your Significant Other's Friends

"No, we haven't had sex yet -- or as we call it in Klingon, 'nga'chug.'"
When playing charades, pointing emphatically at one of them as your clue, then revealing that the secret phrase was "butt-ugly conniving money-hungry skank-ass ho."
Singing the lyrics to Styx songs in pig Latin.
Privately confiding you've been "knocking at her back door," but she won't answer.
and the Number 1 Way NOT to Impress Your Significant Other's Friends...
Presenting them all with friendship bracelets woven from your own pubic hair.

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Selected from 76 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 1 (15th #1)
Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 2 Hall of Famer
Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 3, Runner Up list name Website
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 4 Website
Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 5
Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- Topic
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Honorable Mention list name
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
Curtis Mayfield, Chicago, IL -- Ambience (explanation)




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