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Please laugh responsibly.
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April 29, 2005
The Top 15 Signs You Are
Worshipping GodZILLA, Not God
- Less smiting, more biting!
- Every single story in the Old Testament ends with God destroying a city.
- You insist that every courthouse display a copy of 10 instructions for destroying Tokyo.
- Your hymnal is copyrighted by Blue Oyster Cult.
- You're expected to build a cross big enough for crucifying Godzuki.
- You issue a fatwa for jihad on Mechagodzilla.
- The whole "Bambi is Satan" thing should have been a big tip-off.
- His sole commandment: Thou shalt run screaming through the streets.
- Every time you kneel to pray, your Lord steps on you.
- Golden calf? No response.
Sacrificial lamb? Not even a twitch.
Passenger train full of screaming Japanese passengers? Bingo!
- The sermon is lovely, but Reverend Takoshi's words are out of sync with his lips.
- Instead of a communion wafer, you're supposed to eat Tokyo.
- Recently chosen Pope Megalon XVI crushes all attempts to alter church doctrine.
- You just spent $20,000 on eBay for the Virgin Mothra stuffed calzone.
and the Number 1 Sign You Are Actually Worshipping GodZILLA...
- That thing about keeping the temple's lamps lit for eight days with no oil? Not a problem.
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Today you get the entire 15-item list!
Happy Friday!
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Selected from 136 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 1 (19th #1)
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2, 3 Website
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 3 Website
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 3
- Yoram Puius, New York, NY -- 4
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA -- 5
- David Parrish, Houston, TX -- 5 (ClubTop5!)
- Alan Bland, Boulder, CO -- 5 (ClubTop5!)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 6 Website
- Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR -- 7
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 8
- Douglas Quinn, Bismarck, ND -- 9 (ClubTop5!)
- Gordon Sherman, Camp Slayer, Baghdad -- 10
- Alison Hill, Atlanta, GA -- 10 (ClubTop5!)
- Michael Sheinbaum, Exton, PA -- 11 Website
- John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 12
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Danny Gallagher, Tyler, TX -- 14 Website
- Brandon Reid, Muskogee, OK -- 15 (ClubTop5!)
- Andrea Crain, Madison, WI -- Topic Website
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Blue Oyster Cult, Long Island, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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