The Top 5 Signs It's Not Tom Cruise's Child

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The Official Humor List of the 2006 Torino Winter Olympics

October 14, 2005

~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Tom Cruise is pregnant! Or more precisely,
fiancee Katie Holmes is. But we've all
heard those persistent rumors about Tom.
How can we know for sure if the baby's his?

The Top 5 Signs It's Not Tom Cruise's Child

Sure, Tom may be a big fan of Holmes' parts, but that's *John* Holmes, not Katie.
Unlike Pop, junior displays a wide range of facial expressions.
Gurgling inane gibberish? Check. Ecstatic and giggly one minute, then angry and shrill the next? Check. At least six Scientology lawyers climbing up my shorts right now for saying so? Um... nope.
The OB-GYN looks up from the sheet and exclaims, "Well, it seems *someone* has a minority to report!"
and the Number 1 Sign It's Not Tom Cruise's Child...
Attached to the umbilical cord is a sperm-bank receipt with David Crosby's name on it.

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Selected from 111 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 1 (5th #1)
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 1, 4 (8th #1)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 2 Website / Hall of Famer
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3, Banner Tag Hall of Famer
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 4
Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 5
J.J. Gertler, Arlington, VA -- Topic
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
Bobby Darin, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)




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