5. A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.

4. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."

3. Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King."

2. Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world."

   and the Number 1 Sign You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party...

1. All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.

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