5. Nothing to show for her six marriages except a well-stocked freezer.

4. You don't get homemade chicken noodle soup, you get head-of-the-kid-next-door-who-wouldn't-turn-his-radio-down soup.

3. Has a bumper sticker that reads: "Ask me about my latest victim."

2. Just a funny feeling you get when she's in her room with the lights off and "Helter Skelter" turned up full blast on the ol' Victrola.

   and the Number 1 Sign Your Grandmother May be a Serial Killer...

1. Accidentally sends you her manifesto and mails a letter about her hip replacement to the Washington Post.

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