The Top 5 Things Valedictorians Should Omit From Their Speeches

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May 16, 2006

The Top 5 Things Valedictorians
Should Omit From Their Speeches
(Part I)

"Some of you are probably wondering, 'Who did she have to blow to become valedictorian?' Well, let's see... Principal Madden, Mr. Jennings, Coach Barrows, the math and Latin clubs...."
"Finally, since my extra credit work destroyed the grading curve for everyone else, can I get a police escort back to my car?"
"I didn't do this alone. Remember: There is no *I* in 'valedictorian.'"
"Take a minute to look -- *really* look -- at the person on your left. If she's got a nice rack, stare all you want; she's busy looking at the person on her left."
and the Number 1 Thing Valedictorians Should Omit From Their Speeches...
"Studying honors-level material and maintaining a 4.0 GPA is hard work -- probably a lot harder than hacking into the 'secure' network server where the grades are stored."

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Selected from 122 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 1 (36th #1) Hall of Famer
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 2
Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 3
Bryan Wendeln, Raleigh, NC -- 4
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
The Four Freshmen, Indianapolis, IN -- Ambience (explanation)




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