The Top 5 Things Valedictorians Should Omit From Their Speeches

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I'm not a humor list, but I play one on TV.

May 17, 2006

The Top 5 Things Valedictorians
Should Omit From Their Speeches
(Part II)

"So let's address that little incident: What does 'statutory' really mean, anyway?"
"We have nothing to fear but a future of economic ruin, unpreventable massive terrorist attacks, despotic government and the dissolution of society into a splintered, tribalistic asylum of continuously warring factions. On the brigh
"As you go through life, don't be afraid to experiment. For example, you can fit half a dozen naked midgets under one of these gowns!"
"A few of you, the more intelligent few, will have the foresight to do as I did and secure your futures through the transfer of Nigerian funds."
and the Number 1 Thing Valedictorians Should Omit From Their Speeches...
"... and one last thing: Watch me hang this tassel on my newly pierced penis."

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Selected from 122 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1 (5th #1)
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 2
John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 3
Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 4
Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 4
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 5
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic, Banner Tag
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
Wishbone Ash, Devon, England -- Ambience (explanation)




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