9. The guy at the front desk stares at your chest and asks if you could "sleep facing the clown painting."

8. They don't take American Express, but will consider stereos, VCR's or jewelry.

7. At check-in, the clerk informs you that all of the "Non-Infested" rooms are taken.

6. "Room service" nothing more than a can of Spam and a bottle of Ripple in a brown paper bag.

5. "Marv Albert wuz here" chewed into headboard.

4. Room service answers, "This better be good, Jerry Springer's on."

3. A second look at the sign out front reveals you're at "Howard's Johnson."

2. Sign out front says, "WELCOME, NAMBLA CONVENTION"

   and the Number 1 Sign You've Gotten a Bad Hotel Room...

1. "Indian Graveyard Inn" even sounds like a bad idea.

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