January 16, 2001
The Top 15 Signs Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College
- Refuses to show up for his Advanced Quantum Physics class without his Teletubby backpack and Scooby Doo pencil case.
- Can't even chug milk.
- First it was a million, then a billion, and now Billy says he'll go back to Harvard once he's made a *trillion* dollars.
- Thinks "MCATs" is a song by Hanson.
- Her proposed major: Math; Her first choice university: University of Florida, Broward County
- Princeton Application: "What books have influenced you most?" Timmy's response: "Dianetics, The Rock's autobiography, and 'NASCAR for Dummies'."
- Her high school senior thesis involved a coffee can and raw macaroni.
- While his determination is admirable, young Raheem's refusal to take "no" for an answer from Bob Jones U. is troubling.
- So far, his only recruitment offers have been from Ringling Brothers.
- Her biggest high school accomplishment? Voted "Most Likely to Win a Snot Rocket Competition."
- He sucks at Algebra, but is a natural born wizard at high-speed French fry portion control.
- Has already signed a national letter of intent with Jiffy-Lube.
- Her SAT score? 130, with a special commendation for "not stabbing herself with the pencil."
- "Yale? Heck, I ain't even talkin' loud!"
and the Number 1 Sign Your Child Wasn't Cut Out for College...
- The "PlayStation 2" you gave him for Christmas? A joy stick glued in front of the fish tank.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 99 submissions from 55 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (22nd #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 2 Email
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 3
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 4, 9 Email
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 6 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 7 Email / Website
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 8 Email / Website
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 10
- Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 11
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 12, 15
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 13 Email
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 15
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- XTC, Swindon, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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