January 18, 2002
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A 19-year-old was recently sworn in
as mayor of Mercer, PA, a town of
2,391 residents 60 miles south of Erie.
The Top 16 Signs Your Mayor is a Teenager
- "I hereby officially open the Britney Spears Performing Arts Center!"
- Every week, the same excuse: The dog ate her budget proposal.
- "Mr. Mayor, as your budget advisor, I have to ask you about this allocation of $1,800/month for 'Gender-based Affirmative Action Outreach Keggers.'"
- There's a black stretch limo doing donuts in front of City Hall.
- His opponent's campaign slogan? "Time to Clean Up City Hall!" His opponent? Mom.
- In his first week, blows entire city budget on macaroni and cheese, milkshakes and porn.
- Asks if he can be sexed into office instead of sworn in.
- Every resident gets a bong as part of his "Zero Crime Initiative."
- Sudden plethora of 12-year-old interns.
- "...therefore be it resolved, that Kimberly Ann Manardberry is a Babe, and Limp Bizkit Rules!!"
- "Sorry, the Mayor can't come to the City Council meeting today cuz he's got a stomick acke. Signed, the Mayor's mom."
- Informs local paper that his new City Council members will be Jack Meoff, Pat McGroin and Dick Gazinya.
- Tries to use key to the city to break into a liquor store.
- First order of business: replace all the townsfolk with Playboy models. Second order of business: repeal that damn no-boner law!
- "You are entering Mercer: Population 3,467, plus that bitch Susie Jenkins who broke up with me"
and the Number 1 Sign Your Mayor is a Teenager...
- First big scandal: "I did not... have... sexual... relations... with that pie."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 163 submissions from 30 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Amanda Paulette, Blacksburg, VA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 2
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 3 Email / Website
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 4 Email / Website
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 5
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 6 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Laurie Northrup, Paris, France -- 8 Website
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 10, Banner Tag Email / Website
- Kristopher Kettner, Chicago, IL -- 11 Website
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 12 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 13 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 14 Email
- Jennifer Ford, Fort Wayne, IN -- 15 Email / Website
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 15
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 15 Email
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 15 Email
- Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL -- 16 Email
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- David Lawrence, Baltimore, MD -- Ambience (explanation)
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