Moderator carries less than $20 cash.
January 21, 2000
The Top 14 Signs Your Presidential
Candidate Is Under-Qualified
- Resolves to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
- Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing."
- His number 1 choice to work on his cabinet? "That Bob Vila guy."
- Doesn't seem to understand that having been "held prisoner" in county lockup for two days for public urination does *not* make him a war hero.
- Occasionally stops campaign speeches to ask, "Who's frying balogna in here?"
- Supports NRA, because "'Straight Outta Compton' was dope!"
- Outstanding record as governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
- Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.
- Still asks "The state or the DC thingie?" anytime somebody mentions Washington.
- At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"
- Attempts to use a lifeline on the very first question of the debate.
- Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
- Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"
and the Number 1 Sign Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified...
- At press conferences, only calls on "the hot chick in the red dress" and "the whiny Jew in the back."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 322 submissions from 112 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Strongbow Wolfrider, San Diego, CA -- 1 (Woo-hoo!)
- Lesa Whyte, Seattle, WA -- 2
- Dakota Shepard, New Haven, CT -- 3
- Rob Carraway, Sanford, FL -- 4
- Mike Scheinberg, Arlington, VA -- 4
- Barb Silvey & Brad Preston, Spokane, WA -- 5
- Chris Jones, Snellville, GA -- 6
- Chris LeSure, Ellington, CT -- 7
- Bill Coburn, Long Creek, SC -- 8
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 9
- Britt Green, Eugene, OR -- 10
- Evan Austill, Jr., Mobile, AL -- 11
- Matt Reinaker, Lancaster, PA -- 11
- Dennis Sullivan, Lilburn, GA -- 12
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 13
- Andy Barrett, Lake Oswego, OR -- 14
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- Banner Tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Honorable Mention name
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Presidents of the United States of America -- Ambience (explanation)
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