January 24, 2001
The Top 15 Signs Your Robbery Isn't Going Well
- When you recruited Bobby from the ice rink as your getaway driver, you neglected to tell him NOT to bring the Zamboni.
- The music of Chuck E. Cheese's All-Star Fun Time Revue reminds you that the vault would actually be located in the *bank*, across the street.
- The cameraman from COPS is giving you dialog advice.
- You start feeling sorry for your victim when you find that all her furniture's from IKEA.
- As your partner's head explodes, you come to regret using the control top panty hose endorsed by Oprah.
- Having to cross I-10 with 500 head of cattle takes all the fun outta rustlin'.
- Instead of White, Pink and Blue, your accomplices fight over who gets to be Mr. Ochre, Mr. Vermilion and Mr. Fuchsia.
- As you start cleaning out the cash register, Rod Serling steps out from behind the magazine rack.
- You meant to just grab Sir George's china and silver, but when he showed up in person, you decided that his pretentious Sgt. Pepper-era sitar crap just couldn't go unpunished.
- "Give me all your money or I'll blow your friggin' heads off!" is indeed a scary threat -- but less so in an e-mail to comments@amazon.com.
- [Liberal version]
You suddenly realize -- now you have to actually *run* the country.
- [Conservative version]
The "Dumb Guy" is sitting in the Oval Office, and you're beginning a long, unexpected vacation.
- The "Dumb Guy" is sitting in the Oval Office, and you're beginning a long, unexpected vacation.
- While trying to figure out how to get 500 Elvis plates in your loot bag, you realize that "Franklin Mint" may be a misnomer.
- Your carjacking victim was easy enough to overpower, but then you jumped the curb and landed in the Pirates of the Caribbean lagoon.
- Well, what did you think they kept at a *sperm* bank, Einstein?!
and the Number 1 Sign Your Robbery Isn't Going Well...
- You know when those cartridges they put in the money bags explode and spray paint everywhere? Well, something similar just happened in your pants.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 110 submissions from 58 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 1 (20th #1) Email
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 2 Email / Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 4, 11 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 5C Email / Website
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 5L
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 6 Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 7
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 8, Topic Email / Website
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 9 Email
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 10 Email
- Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 14
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 15 Email / Website
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- Banner Tag Website
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Honorable Mention list name Email
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Bob Marley, Kingston, Jamaica -- Ambience (explanation)
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