Leaves no greasy residue!
January 28, 2000
The Top 15 Signs Your Candidate's Platform
Was Created by Crazy People
- States he's unequivocally against 5th trimester abortions.
- Refuses to rebut Al Gore until given a brandy snifter filled with green M&Ms.
- Believes Americans will want to save more if we just make shinier coins with Christina Aguilera on them.
- Campaign motto: "It's the Echinacea, stupid."
- "I say we need to take another look at that whole 'women have the right to vote' thing."
- Convinced that all you need to be President is a bunch of tacky skyscrapers and billions of dollars.
- His plan to save Social Security involves moving the Capitol to Vegas, betting the entire budget on 13 black, and letting 'em fly.
- Wants generous public funding for "scatological research."
- "I dream of a country where the children are *not* the future."
- Calls for a complete ban on semi-automatic and fully-automatic salad-shooters.
- His flat tax proposal applies only to women with "A" cups.
- Calls for a rewrite of the Brady Bill to include the too-long-overlooked Alice.
- Promises to send Flan back to Cuba.
- Proposes to cover the Midwest with a giant aluminum hat to protect against mind beams originating from the secret planet hidden behind Pluto.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Candidate's Platform Was Created by Crazy People...
- Includes lots of tax breaks for people with 100 or more cats.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 142 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 1 (7th #1) Email
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 2, 3 Email
- Kevin Hawley, Fairless Hills, PA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Steven Bevier, Grand Rapids, MI -- 2 (Rookie!)
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4, HM name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 5, 7 Email / Website
- Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 5, 9 Email
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 5 Email
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 8
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 10 Email / Website
- Mark Schmidt, Amsterdam, Holland -- 11 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 12 Hall of Famer
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 13 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dakota Shepard, New Haven, CT -- 14 Email / Website (Rookie!)
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 15 Email / Website
- David Dennis, Murray, KY -- Topic
- Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner tag
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Insane Clown Posse, Detroit, MI -- Ambience (explanation)
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