14. Absolutely no post-coital cuddling!

13. You'll still be spending time with J.Lo when Affleck is *long* gone.

12. It really freaks out telemarketers when you start to breathe heavily and ask to hear more about long distance plans.

11. Dress rehearsal for your "orgasm face."

10. Teaches people to knock first.

9. Finger-muscle development enables you to play the "Minute Waltz" in 35 seconds flat.

8. It's a great ice-breaker when you meet George Michael in the can.

7. Prosecutors who need a DNA sample from you can have one lickety-split.

6. Without it, the only sin you would have to confess weekly would be illegally downloading Celine Dion songs.

5. Ability to judge battery life by tone of buzzing.

4. Kittens love playing with balled-up tissues.

3. Gives you something to do with your hands underneath that anchor's desk during commercials.

2. Orgasms mellow out a person, leaving him less likely to, say, invade Iraq.

   and the Number 1 Least-Known Benefit of Masturbation...

1. Frequent masturbators have won 18 straight titles at the annual Greater Keokuk Corn Husk-Off.

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