15. Before: .357 Magnums with hollow-points
    After: Super-soakers filled with lemon juice

14. You're the 92nd person they've rounded up today under suspicion of being "one o' them American Talibans."

13. "Thin blue line?" That's the new department-issue Kevlar thong.

12. Cruiser sirens replaced with screeching, poop-tossing, rabid monkeys.

11. At all routine traffic stops, the officer strip searches himself.

10. Reading someone their rights begins with "I see London, I see France..."

9. Despite three Krispy Kreme locations in town, they're all hanging out at Wal-Mart.

8. Since the department has no radar gun, they use a hair dryer wrapped in duct tape.

7. Their standard field sobriety test involves two oranges, a Shetland pony, and a can of WD-40.

6. "Lemme see your license, registration, and, oh... let's say, ass."

5. You convince them that they must set you free because your civil rights were violated when their mugshot camera stole your soul.

4. Expensive polygraph machine replaced by phone calls to Miss Cleo.

3. Recruitment budget: $15 for posters; $2.15 for staples; $14,982.85 for pickled pigs' feet

2. They hire an exorcist to rid the squad cars of those eerie disembodied voices that speak in numerical codes.

   and the Number 1 Other Sign Your Local Police Department Has Gone Nuts...

1. "Hello, I'm Raul, and I'll be your arresting officer today. Our specials include a speeding ticket with driver school on the side, and a lovely DUI flambe that includes a free dessert of towing to the impound yard."

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!