12. "Thus it came to pass that they left on a Quest, much as they had in the first nine books in the series."

11. "The princess wrinkled her nose and stifled a giggle as she undid her top. She was only a woman, after all, and thus the sight and man-musk of the pudgy comic-book-shop manager left her helpless."

10. "With a fierce cry, Elred spurred his mighty steed towards the battlefield, his unsheathed blade whistling through the chill morning air like a pale, metallic recording of the 'Andy Griffith' theme."

9. "The world became a gray mist, swirling about his head, encompassing him - the past, the future, enemies, friends, all seemed to stand shimmering just beyond his reach, beckoning him towards an uncertain quest. He tried to call out, but they were unmoved by his garbled moans. 'Whoa!' said the elfish princess from somewhere beyond the mystic vision, 'I think you've had quite enough of the Bong of B'Ain'G'Raith for tonight, little man.'"

8. "Her orbs glowed with the magical light of Glastrorphyl, as the faeries of Marnore played their beautiful music. He turned to her and whispered softly, 'I'd hump you if I could just find an orifice.'"

7. "He harked upon a maiden fair, bathing in a sparkling pond. In silence did the wizard stare, as he fondled his magic wand."

6. "Further and further, Dubya, Son of Herbert, fell into the Pit of Deficit. A special sorcery, had he though, and he would climb the pit by lowering taxes, as had worked so well in the legendary time of Reagan the Forgetful."

5. "Eldritch flames smoldered on Xaltuan's fingers, and the last syllables of his incantation still lingered on his foam-flecked lips. Still, the Tercel would not start."

4. "'DFGretwiuszlsiln UUUWq'df_hlsiuei' shouted Wq'df. 'bvmnbckood pwqpwooierjr' hurled back the unseen thief. There were several blasts of laser fire. Wq'df thought he heard a kqzxuclp. Zzxlkuecpasloir was the last thing he heard."

3. "And then young Lothgar looked around and said, 'Dude, where's my sword?'"

2. "And thus spake the King of Enron, 'Shredd'st thou the evil parchment, lest our dabbling in the dark arts be divined!'"

   and the Number 1 Excerpt from a Bad Fantasy Novel...

1. "For I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, brother to Arahorn and Araborn, grandson to Aradorn, great-nephew of Aracorn, third cousin twice removed to Arabjorn and Araporn..."

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