February 12, 2001
The Top 12 Signs You're Not Cut Out to Be a Jedi
- Forget about the X-Wing -- you can't even levitate your ass off the couch.
- Not only are you unable to see things before they happen, you're often befuddled by the Jedi "got your nose" trick.
- You chose the Dark Side because you look so much thinner in black.
- You're afraid to cross the cosmos by yourself.
- "*Light* saber my ass! Those things are heavy!"
- You just signed a five-album deal with the Dark Side.
- Down pat you have the backwards talk, yet impressed the chicks still are not.
- Your lightsaber? More of a butter knife, if you know what I mean.
- You can't even use the Force to find Waldo.
- You knowingly hired illegal Wookiees to clean your gutters and failed to pay their Social Security.
- The only Force you've mastered is the one coming out your ass, Mr. "I-Can-Fart-the-Cantina-Band's-Entire-Playlist."
and the Number 1 Sign You're Not Cut Out to Be a Jedi...
- With a little bit of dusting, and maybe a vase of flowers in the corner, the Dark Side looks much more cheery, don't you think?
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Selected from 106 submissions from 56 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 1 (10th #1)
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 2 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3 Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 4 Email / Hall of Famer
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 5 Email
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 6 Email
- Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 7 Website
- Jennifer Ford, Fort Wayne, IN -- 8 Email / Website
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 10
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 11 Email
- Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 11
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 12, Honorable Mention list name Email
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- Topic
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Parliament, Detroit, MI -- Ambience (explanation)
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