15. To Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, from George W. Bush:
    
    If I could sample what's beneath that robe,
    my heart would go pitter-patter.
    But I've already received your Valentine's gift:
    The White House on a platter!
    
    
    

14. To George W. Bush, from Osama bin Laden:
    
    I could KISS you for endorsing
    the work I try to do.
    See, my many endeavors
    are mostly faith-based, too!
    
    
    

13. To Allen Greenspan, from NBC's Andrea Mitchell:
    
    Don't worry about last night --
    lots of guys get irrationally exuberant.
    
    
    

12. To Tipper, from Hillary:
    
    Your husband's a schmo, my husband's a ho.
    Let's ditch them both and give it a go.
    
    
    

11. To George W. from Dad:
    
    You've made me proud again, my son,
    by moving into my old home.
    But I ran out of favors getting you there --
    don't screw up now, you're on your own!
    
    
    

10. To Karin Stanford, from Reverend Jesse Jackson:
    
    Though we now are parted,
    my heart still turns to mush,
    ever since that night we shared
    a magical "Rainbow-PUSH."
    
    
    

9. To Linda, from Mr. Ed:
   
   I must admit, my dear Ms. Tripp,
   you really turn me on.
   I've not been graced by such a face
   since I was on the farm.
   
   
   

8. To William Rehnquist, from James Baker:
   
   Thanks for the vote -- you ended the strife.
   So this Valentine morning, we're releasing your wife.
   
   
   

7. To John Ashcroft, from Senate Democrats:
   
   Of *course* we can be bipartisan
   and reach out across the aisle.
   Here's a sentiment our heart is in:
   We salute you, sir! Sieg heil!
   
   
   

6. To Hillary, from Bill:
   
   Please forgive me, Valentine
   for my wandering erection.
   But what was I supposed to do
   during your eight year yeast infection?!
   
   
   

5. To Katherine Harris, from a secret admirer:
   
   Roses are red, violets are blue.
   There's a rainbow of colors slathered on you!!
   
   
   

4. To All the Girls I've Loved Before, from Bill Clinton:
   
   My valentines, two years ago,
   you each gave me a hickey.
   Last year you showed your love again
   with Oval Office quickies.
   This year I've given something back --
   the explanation's tricky...
   A Latin phrase describes it best:
   it's "Veni, V.D., vici."
   
   
   

3. To Elizabeth Dole, from Bob Dole:
   
   The sun, how it sets -- like the falls of Niagra
   But the sun also rises, like Bob Dole on Viagra!
   
   
   

2. To Barbra Streisand, from George W.:
   
   You talked about secession,
   now pack your shit and leave.
   And don't threaten me with Brolin --
   that dude's more whipped than cream!
   
   
   

   and the Number 1 Political Valentine's Day Card...

1. To Tipper, from Al:
   
   How do I love thee?
   Let me count the ways...
   No wait, that's not right.
   Let me count again.
   Darn it, that's not it, either.
   One more time...

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