February 19, 2003
The Top 15 Differences Under President Michael Jackson
- All press conferences are held in the Nose Garden.
- No more federal funding for NASA until they bring back moonwalking missions.
- Instead of the 50 individual states, a series of commemorative quarters features Michael's old noses.
- Out: War on Terror
In: War on Clumpy Mascara
- It's no longer the White House, it's now the "Black House with vitiligo."
- More headlines like "President to North Korea: 'Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'?'"
- New cabinet position created: Plastic Surgeon General
- With the constant updates, a team of sculptors works 24/7 on the official presidential bust.
- The Lincoln Bedroom becomes the Lincoln Bunkroom.
- Reading glasses keep slipping off his face during the State of the Union speech.
- No difference whatsoever -- those rich white guys are all alike.
- Even more crotch-grabbing in the Oval Office than during the Clinton administration.
- "Today, the Department of Homeland Security upgraded the terror threat level from eggshell to beige."
- Vice President Webster is only a heartbeat away from becoming the first black president.
and the Number 1 Difference Under President Michael Jackson...
- "Seriously, I *did* have sexual relations with that woman. I swear. Stop laughing!"
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runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 128 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 1 (2nd #1)
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 2, 4 Email
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 3, Banner Tag
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 3
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR -- 5 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 8 Website
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 9, Honorable Mention list name
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 9 Email
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 10, 14
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 11
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 11
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 12 Email / Website
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 13
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 14 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 15 Email / Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Topic, Runner Up list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Procol Harum, London, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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