13. "Houston, it's beautiful up here! I can see the Great Wall of China... the Amazon River... and, oh, yes -- there's the Wilsons'!"

12. Alien space vessels keep docking in his driveway to recharge their warp drives.

11. A sharp "tzing" and scream of pain from next door tells you the meter-reader has lost another finger to the kilowatt wheel.

10. All metal objects in neighborhood point toward their family room.

9. Always has the stereo blasting the whole time he's vacuuming the yard.

8. Armored truck delivers the monthly bill as a leather-bound 14-volume set.

7. You've been reduced to plugging the toaster into the cat and rubbing him on the wall just to make breakfast.

6. Him: sun-tanning by the pool. You: still shoveling snow.

5. Attracted by the blinking lights, old people wander through the yard in search of 5-cent slot machines.

4. The fumes from your wife's kerosene vibrator are causing your wallpaper to peel.

3. Ghost of Tom Edison moaning and circling the cupola.

2. He looks around nervously and gives a half-hearted laugh when you suggest his kids be "grounded."

   and the Number 1 Sign Your Neighbor is Using Too Much Electricity...

1. Cleans his pool by bringing it to a rolling boil for 30 minutes.

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