February 22, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers
women the chance to experience orgasms with the press of a
button. Tiny electrodes are implanted into the spine and
a small signal generator in the skin under the buttocks.
The patient then controls the sensation with a handheld remote.
I ask you, my friends: How could TopFive NOT address this?
The Top 15 Side Effects of the New Orgasm Implant
- Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio Shack.
- Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of cover story headlines.
- Dad: now surfs with two remotes; Mom: never complains.
- She never wants to cuddle anymore -— it's click, click, click, and she's out the door.
- The Baptists hurriedly draft an extra Commandment.
- Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at $600 bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.
- The Energizer Bunny keeps coming and coming...
- "Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."
- Finally, size really *doesn't* matter.
- "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry..."
- Every time your cell phone rings, you feel the uncontrollable urge to shout your surgeon's name.
- Side effects? Who cares about... oh... *oh*... OH, GOD! YESSSSSS!!!!
- In addition to "Mute" and "Favorite," the wildly popular Radio Shack Ultimate Universal Remote now has a new button: "Big O."
- Men no longer feel any responsibility toward satisfying their partner... er, never mind.
and the Number 1 Side Effect of the New Orgasm Implant...
- "Now remember, Ms. Elders -- the left nipple is positive and the right is negative."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 157 submissions from 62 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 1, 2 (2nd #1)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 4 Email / Website
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 5 (Rookie!)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 6 Email
- David Bryant, Columbia, MD -- 7 Email
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 8
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Hawley, Fairless Hills, PA -- 10, Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 11
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 12 Website
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 13
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 14 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 15 Email / Hall of Famer
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Beach Boys, Hawthorne, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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