March 2, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A story floating around the Internet a month or so
ago claimed that a man had died at his cubicle in an
open office but was not discovered to be deceased
until 5 days later. As it turns out, the story
was a fake. But here at TopFive headquarters,
everywhere I look, well... I see dead people.
The Top 15 Signs Your Co-Worker is Dead
- That smell ain't burnt microwave popcorn, Chester.
- Sudden increase in acquisition forms requesting embalming fluid and duct tape.
- Your law partners are circling over his desk.
- The document he's been working on is now 3,480 pages long, and he typed every page with his face.
- His PowerPoint presentations don't have the flair they used to, plus he smells like rotting meat.
- Gag-inducing Old Spice finally gives way to a comparatively pleasant carrion odor.
- He's been working on that TV Guide crossword puzzle for three weeks now.
- Well, *someone* finally nabbed the arsenic-laced Halloween goodies you keep on your desk.
- His productivity evaluation uses the word "cadaverous" 9 times.
- Sexual harassment complaints have dropped off drastically.
- "Kick Me" signs starting to pile up on his back.
- Contestant #2 just bought an 'A', but the damn board still says "M_N_GU_, NIC_R_GU_."
- Her coffee mug says, "World's coolest Great-Great-Great-Grandmother."
- He's worn the same clothes for the last 3 days -- and he's *not* an engineer.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Co-Worker is Dead...
- His AOL screen announces, "You've Got Rigor Mortis!"
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 180 submissions from 67 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (18th #1) Email
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 2
- J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 3
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5, 10
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 6, 8 (Rookie!)
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 6
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 7 (Rookie!)
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 9 Website
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 11 Email
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 12 Email
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 13 Email / Website
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 14 Email
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 15
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 15
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Stone Temple Pilots, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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