March 12, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list was compiled from submissions
sent in by our ClubTop5 subscribers.
The Top 16 Signs Your Life Truly Sucks
- You just paid $3.99/minute for the phone sex girl to tell you she has a headache.
- The provisions you ordered to modify your outfit for the next Star Trek convention are on back order, your mom's boyfriend says you have to start paying rent for the basement, and your rating on amihotornot.com just went to a -18.
- Despite your world-class beauty, you wake up every morning next to a guy named Billy Bob.
- Gas for minivan Mom lets you borrow to get to part-time job at XXX Videorama: $10
Odor-eaters: $2.95
Waking up on your 38th birthday to realize you're NEVER getting laid: priceless!
- The rent-to-own place turned down your lava-lamp rental request because of your credit rating.
- You realize you *really* should have had that green rash examined -- as your penis falls with a plop into the toilet.
- You're unanimously voted out of the Outback -- the Outback Steak House.
- The closest thing you've had to a date recently was rubbing Vicks VapoRub on Grandma's chest.
- Just as you're pulling into your driveway, you realize you already rented "Young Einstein" on Beta last month.
- After two hit TV series, the friggin' paparazzi still refer to you as "Mr. Streisand."
- Even though you've inherited millions, you can't get that lingering 90-year-old-geezer odor out of your hair and clothes.
- The good news: the collision wasn't your fault.
The bad news: O.J.'s getting out of the other car.
- Get out of bed, eat, commute, work, commute, eat, get in bed -- you take comfort in the pleasant symmetry of your life.
- The only way you're getting screwed tonight is if AOL drops the connection while downloading your Top 5 List.
- You're not even a sailor, but you finally realize your lifelong dream to drive a submarine. Then....
and the Number 1 Sign Your Life Truly Sucks...
- Your Saturday night: "C'mon, boy. Yessssssss... that's right. Good boy -- look what we have. Yessssss. For youuuuu. Now let me see... where is that old can opener? Where could it beeeeee? Here it is! Okay, here you go! Yessssss... doesn't that look yummmmmmy?"
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 397 submissions from 204 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Harvey Fine, North Miami Beach, FL -- 1 (Woo-hoo!)
- Bob Somerville, Asheville, NC -- 2
- Adam Chunnmaker, Houston, TX -- 3
- Chuck Bonner, Nashua, NH -- 4
- BJ Hydes, Houston, TX -- 5
- Donald J. Hunter, Houston, TX -- 5, HM list name
- Debbie Madison, Westfield, NJ -- 6
- Gregory J. Smith, Denver, CO -- 7
- Mark Ueber, Fort Wayne, IN -- 7
- Rich Maniglia, Burlington, NJ -- 8
- Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH -- 9
- Sam Hozman, South San Francisco, CA -- 10
- Silas Knight, Eureka, CA -- 11
- Kathy Coleman, The Colony, TX -- 12
- Sally Credle, Hawkinsville, GA -- 13
- Drew Mayo, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia -- 14
- Senora Kristen, Dallas, TX -- 15
- Bowie Hawkins, Irving, TX -- 16
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner Tag
- Brian DiMattia, Boston, MA -- Runner Up list name
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Beatles, Liverpool, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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