March 20, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
"King of Pop" Michael Jackson recently proposed a
"Children's Bill of Rights," claiming he wants to
"recreate the parent-child bond, renew its promise,
and light the way forward for all the beautiful
children who are destined one day to walk this earth."
Uh... sure, Mike. We're with ya, dude.
The Top 12 Provisions in Michael Jackson's
"Children's Bill of Rights"
- The right to bare arms. And legs. And taut, young buttocks. And...
- Every child has the right, regardless of race or national origin, to grow up to be a rich, white eccentric.
- All kids should be exposed to fine imported and microbrew beers. Wait -- *which* Michael Jackson are we talking about here?
- The right to make a hideous face and have it freeze that way, through the miracle of plastic surgery.
- An oxygen sleep chamber in every home, a llama in every yard.
- No child should be intimidated by predatory adults who try to force them to do something they don't *want* to do, such as decline the generous settlement offer and drag the whole thing out through a long and messy public trial.
- Children have the right to participate in wholesome activities such as riding bikes, playing musical instruments, and collecting skeletal remains.
- Crying like a pantywaist is mandatory.
- All newly potty-trained youngsters are granted the honorific "The King of Plop."
- Every child must serve a mandatory six months in the Neverland Tickle-Fight Brigade.
- Kids have the right. Michael takes the left side.
and the Number 1 Provision in Michael Jackson's "Children's Bill of Rights"...
- Prosthetics and physical therapy for unfortunate children who cannot moonwalk.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 92 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 1, 8 (13th #1) Email / Website
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 2 Email / Website
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 3 Email
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 4
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI -- 5 Email
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 6, 11 Email / Website
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 7, 12
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 7
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 7 Email
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 7
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 10 Email
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 12
- Matt Kall, Neverland Ranch -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Korn, Bakersfield, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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