March 20, 2002
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Domestic security chief Tom Ridge recently
introduced a color-coded terrorism alert system.
For example, green is a low risk of terrorist attack.
We wondered what some of the other alerts might be...
The Top 14 Terrorism Alert Levels
- Plaid alert: Britney is in her slutty-schoolgirl mood again.
- Green alert: Friggin' hippies are plotting to further destabilize the country by throwing yet another distracting candidate into a tight election.
- Purple alert: Jerry Falwell thinks your children are growing too fond of a certain purse-carrying Teletubby.
- Khaki alert: Gap employee pod people have hatched.
- Pink alert: Please disregard. Ridge accidentally washed the white and red alerts together in hot water.
- Burnt Sienna alert: Expect possible acts of violence by crayon-wielding school children.
- Black/tan/beige/white alert: Michael Jackson is approaching.
- Oatmeal, Forest, Seafoam alerts: Terrorists have been sighted in the vicinity of L.L. Bean outlets.
- Rainbow alert: Rosie O'Donnell has adopted another child.
- Crimson with a Delicate Splash of Rose alert: That time of the month for Martha Stewart.
- Brown alert: For the love of God, do NOT go in the office bathroom for a while.
- White alert: Now entering a restricted-access country club.
- Yellow alert: Senator Thurmond has just peed his pants.
and the Number 1 Terrorism Alert Level...
- Pale Green alert: Credible threat of hangover, with puke cannon armed and ready to be deployed.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 170 submissions from 61 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 1 (10th #1)
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2 Email
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 2 Email / Website
- Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 3 Website
- Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 5, 8
- George T. MacMillan, Shillington, PA -- 6
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 7
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 9 Email / Website
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 10
- Anne Sholl, Trenton, NJ -- 11
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 12, Honorable Mention list name
- Andrea Crain, Madison, WI -- 12 Website
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 13 Email / Website
- Eric Lipton, Chicago, IL -- 14
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- Topic Hall of Famer
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- Banner Tag
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Runner Up list name Email
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Miles Davis, Alton, IL -- Ambience (explanation)
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