March 21, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A recent news story reported that surgeons in Russia have
made medical history by replacing the amputated penis of
a cancer patient with what they call a "fully-functioning"
substitute organ made from skin grafts and a finger.
(Our ClubTop5 members get to see a
private X-rated version of today's list.)
The Top 16 Signs Your Penis is a Finger
- "But officer, she asked for directions!"
- You're the only guy at your gym who's got a French manicure between his legs.
- Your wedding ring keeps falling off in the shower.
- Restraining order keeps you out of Yellow Pages offices nationwide.
- "Not tonight, baby -- I've got a hangnail."
- Madge calls the cops when she discovers you soaking in the Palmolive.
- Your rabbi is also your manicurist.
- A few words into your "I did not have sexual relations" finger-wagging speech, Helen Thomas faints dead away.
- Getting to third base is now a ground-rule home run.
- You now get arrested for giving someone the finger -- even in New York City.
- Millions of pianists in the world, but there are chords that only *you* can play.
- Aunt Norma won't let you play "Chopsticks" at the family reunion anymore.
- You sprout wood every time someone cuts you off in traffic.
- Even Fox has to go to commercial when you throw your knuckle ball.
- Your nose-picking habit is cured -- and your belly button is squeaky clean!
and the Number 1 Sign Your Penis is a Finger...
- "With this ring I thee-- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!"
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 223 submissions from 67 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1 (29th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 1 (22nd #1) Hall of Famer
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 2
- Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 3
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 4, 6
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 4, 10 Email / Website
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 4, 12 Email / Website
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 4, 12
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 4, 12
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 4, 14 Email / Website
- Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 4 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 4 Email
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 4
- Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 4 Website
- Jay Perras, Boston, MA -- 4
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL -- 5, 13
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 5
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 6 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 7, 10 Email
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 7, 12 Email
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 7 Hall of Famer
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 8, 16
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 8
- Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 9 Email / Website
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- George T. MacMillan, Shillington, PA -- 10 (Rookie!)
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 12
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 12 Email / Website
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 15 Email / Website
- Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 16 Email
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- Topic Website
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Banner Tag
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Stuart Leslie Goddard, London, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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