March 23, 2001
The Top 13 Signs You're
Taking Your Breakup Too Hard
- The tears flow in the produce section as the sight of two perfect cantaloupes bring memories of her flooding back.
- You keep calling his old number in the Oval Office, even though you know that new dumb guy always picks up.
- You don't know what you'd do if you didn't have your dotcom stocks to console you-- uh-oh.
- You keep mailing her threatening letters because her restraining orders smell like her.
- Even your therapist suggests that you "take the manly route of suicide."
- You start writing country songs... and the country is Bosnia.
- You ask your pastor if it's improper to have a funeral for your penis.
- You're too depressed to get out of bed and stalk her.
- Keeping a stained dress: Tacky
Using it to clone an army of SuperPresidents: Creepy
- You haven't returned any of Rupert Murdoch's calls about appearing on "Who Wants to Catch a Multimillionaire on the Rebound?"
- Inspired by a combination of true love and a court order, you're always just over 50 yards away.
- "All your albums are belong to me!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Taking Your Breakup Too Hard...
- You cry every time you take a leak, because *she* used to take a leak.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 133 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 1, 9 (14th #1) Email / Website
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 2, Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 3
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Eric Lipton, Washington, DC -- 5
- Bob Van Voris, New York, NY -- 6, 12 (Rookie!)
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 8
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 10
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 11 Email
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 13
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- Banner Tag Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- RU, HM list names Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Honorable Mention list name Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Greg Kihn, Baltimore, MD -- Ambience (explanation)
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