15. "...and the best part about this Internet company you've invested in is that their list is *actually* 15 items -- that's like a 33% discount!"

14. "Allow me to illustrate: Suppose this ceramic coffee mug here represents your high tech portfolio and this cast iron paperweight the current economic trends..."

13. "No, I don't mean it's time to sell eBay, I mean it's time to sell everything you own *on* eBay."

12. "Oops, I had these charts upside down!"

11. "Can I call you right back? I've got my bankruptcy attorney holding on the other line."

10. "I know you said to buy Wal-Mart, but that little sock puppet doggie was just *so* cute..."

9. "I always forget... is 'bull' the good one or the bad one?"

8. "Enough about stocks. Do you know how much money you can make in black market kidney sales?"

7. "I don't understand -- this plan worked beautifully when they did it on 'The Sopranos.'"

6. "Please don't hang up -- I'm only allowed one call..."

5. "First, the good news: you won't have any problems with capital gains taxes this year..."

4. "I recommend rolling your last $100 into a blanket, a shopping cart and a case of Night Train."

3. "Your position in the market? Bent over, grabbing your ankles."

2. "I can't talk long -- I'm on my cell phone and the pavement is coming up *really* fast now..."

   and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Your Stock Broker...

1. "So then I said, 'What the hell is a margin call?'"

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!