April 2, 2003
The Top 16 Differences if
Game Shows Were Hosted by Satan
- The "Lightning Round" involves actual lightning.
- "You still have two deathlines available. Do you want to consult the tarot or phone Hitler?"
- When your host says, "Come on down!" he ain't kidding!
- Always the same friggin' parting gift: The director's cut DVD of "Little Nicky."
- Spin the wheel? Eat entrails. Daily Double? Eat entrails.
- The "Name That Tune" orchestra is nothing but a guy playing a golden fiddle.
- A true "Daily Double" involves betting your soul *and* having Richard Simmons as your roommate in hell.
- Their own having been rendered useless from repeated poker-stabbings, contestants always eager to buy a bowel.
- Door #1: Hellfire and damnation.
Door #2: Eternal plagues and pestilence.
Door #3: Room full of telemarketers with your number on speed dial.
- Wrong answer? Pitchfork in the ass!
- "Okay, ladies, here's your question: What did your husbands say when our hellhounds ripped off and ate their testicles?"
- "Wheel! Of! Misfortune! And now, your host... Paaaaaaaat Satanjak!"
- "I'll take 'No Matter What You Answer, You'll Suffer in Hell for All Eternity' for $100, master."
- "You can keep the cattle prod in your rectum or trade it for what's behind the curtain next to Pol Pot."
- "... and the Final Jeopardy category is: 'Random Strangers Your Mom Has Fellated.'"
and the Number 1 Difference if Game Shows Were Hosted by Satan...
- All nine Hollywood Squares are occupied by Baldwin brothers.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 108 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 3, HM name (55th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 2 Email
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4 Email / Website
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 5, 11
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 5
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 6 Email
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 7
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 8
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 9
- Joe Desiderio, New York, NY -- 10
- Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 12 Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 13, 14 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Sue Lin Chong, Washington, DC -- 14
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 14
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 15
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 16 Email / Website
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- Topic
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- Banner Tag
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Etta James, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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