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Using Humor to Make the World a Better-- ah, screw it
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April 10, 2001
The Top 15 Signs You've Lived With a Mathematician Too Long
- His cute habit of converting every number to base seven is really starting to annoy you, because he insists on doing it 33 hours a day, 10 days a week!
- He has his graduate students working on reconciling your irreconcilable differences.
- The first thing you think of when you see her bend over is isosceles.
- Ask him how much he loves you and he responds, "Ok...assuming that love can be expressed as a derivative of existence, which we'll call 'Z', and desire is a convergence subset of physical beauty in the Heisenberg 'observ
- During sex, all she does is complain about the "dynamic coefficient of friction."
- You only celebrate Fibonacci sequence anniversaries.
- You wanted a really bad-ass tattoo, and were momentarily torn between a bleeding skull and a portrait of Gauss.
- Your husband unexpectedly comes home early from work and enters your bedroom just in time to see a man run into the closet; when he opens it, two men dash for the front door, knocking him over. He looks at you and says, "You know, if I were to enter the closet now, it would be empty again."
- He almost has you convinced that the more negatives in your relationship, the greater the absolute value.
- "If you shut off your spreadsheets at 1:30 AM heading towards the bedroom at 5 MPH, and I've gone to sleep at 12:00 AM after another session with my vibrator, what are the odds that you're getting any?"
- When you ask where he's been all night, he refers you to the previous excuse which has already been accepted as a proof.
- Every time you talk about your ex, your lover feels compelled to solve him.
- Using only the Transitive Property, the Corresponding Angles Postulate, the Angle Addition Assumption, and the Angle Congruence Theorem, you're pretty sure you've successfully argued yourself into a three-way.
- During a romantic candlelight dinner, you accept his polynomial ring.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Lived With a Mathematician Too Long...
- You went along with naming the kids Euclid, Archimedes, and Newton, but there's no way in hell you're going to yell for a dog named "Immanuel Fuchs."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 167 submissions from 63 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 1 (11th #1) Email
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 2, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 3 Website
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 6 Hall of Famer
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 8 Email / Website
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 9 Email
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 10 Email / Website
- Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 11 Email
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 14 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 15, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- Honorable Mention list name Email
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- List moderator (B.A. in English)
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Beatles, Liverpool, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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