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TopFive.com
Using Humor to Make the World a Better-- ah, screw it
April 10, 2001


The Top 15 Signs You've Lived
With a Mathematician Too Long


    1. His cute habit of converting every number to base seven is really starting to annoy you, because he insists on doing it 33 hours a day, 10 days a week!

    2. He has his graduate students working on reconciling your irreconcilable differences.

    3. The first thing you think of when you see her bend over is isosceles.

    4. Ask him how much he loves you and he responds, "Ok...assuming that love can be expressed as a derivative of existence, which we'll call 'Z', and desire is a convergence subset of physical beauty in the Heisenberg 'observ

    5. During sex, all she does is complain about the "dynamic coefficient of friction."

    6. You only celebrate Fibonacci sequence anniversaries.

    7. You wanted a really bad-ass tattoo, and were momentarily torn between a bleeding skull and a portrait of Gauss.

    8. Your husband unexpectedly comes home early from work and enters your bedroom just in time to see a man run into the closet; when he opens it, two men dash for the front door, knocking him over. He looks at you and says, "You know, if I were to enter the closet now, it would be empty again."

    9. He almost has you convinced that the more negatives in your relationship, the greater the absolute value.

    10. "If you shut off your spreadsheets at 1:30 AM heading towards the bedroom at 5 MPH, and I've gone to sleep at 12:00 AM after another session with my vibrator, what are the odds that you're getting any?"

    11. When you ask where he's been all night, he refers you to the previous excuse which has already been accepted as a proof.

    12. Every time you talk about your ex, your lover feels compelled to solve him.

    13. Using only the Transitive Property, the Corresponding Angles Postulate, the Angle Addition Assumption, and the Angle Congruence Theorem, you're pretty sure you've successfully argued yourself into a three-way.

    14. During a romantic candlelight dinner, you accept his polynomial ring.

      and the Number 1 Sign You've Lived With a Mathematician Too Long...

    15. You went along with naming the kids Euclid, Archimedes, and Newton, but there's no way in hell you're going to yell for a dog named "Immanuel Fuchs."

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 167 submissions from 63 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 1 (11th #1) Email
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 2, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 3 Website
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 6 Hall of Famer
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 8 Email / Website
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 9 Email
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 10 Email / Website
  • Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 11 Email
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 14 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 15, Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- List moderator (B.A. in English)
  • Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Beatles, Liverpool, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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