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Important notice enclosed. Open immediately!
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April 21, 2003
The Top 15 Ways We Like Our Coffee
- I like my Irish coffee like I like my women:
loaded with whiskey.
- I like my coffee like I like my strippers:
scalding hot and in his lap.
- I like my coffee like a major league catcher likes his privates:
in a large, strong cup.
- I like my coffee like I like my recently deceased Chihuahua:
stored in the freezer to lock in freshness.
- I like my coffee like a baby likes fruit juice in a bottle:
sweet, spill-resistant and something to occupy the mouth when no naked breasts are around.
- I like my coffee like I like my surrealist humor:
giraffe.
- I like my coffee like I like my one-night stands:
stale, bitter, smoking like a chimney, with a butt-ugly mug.
- I like my coffee like I like my women:
hot. Of course, the difference is I can actually *get* hot coffee.
- I like my coffee like I like my meddlesome neighbors:
ground into tiny bits.
- I like my coffee like divorce attorneys like their clients:
very rich, very bitter and with lots of grounds.
- I like my coffee like I like my sex:
cheap and frothy, from a girl in a green apron.
- I like my coffee like Jacko likes his playmates:
sweet, aged eight years and covered with half-and-half.
- I like my coffee like I like my flatulence:
made from the finest beans, rich enough to smell from across the room and satisfying to the last "Ah-h-h-h!"
- I like my coffee like I like my Iraqi information minister:
chock full o' nuts.
and the Number 1 Way We Like Our Coffee...
- I like my coffee like Maria Myerson, a girl in fifth grade who gave every boy except me a Valentine, even though I had written her love poems in my own blood every day -- ruining me for life, that ungrateful skank prosti-- um, sorry... cold, with a bitter aftertaste.
Selected from 97 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 1, 4 (6th #1)
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 2 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- 4
- Lisa Lavoie, Warwick, RI -- 5, 6 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Wayne Kierstead, Clackamas, OR -- 6
- Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN -- 7, 12
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 8
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 10
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 11 Hall of Famer
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 13 Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 14, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 15 Email
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Squeeze, London, England -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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