April 23, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The second-largest greeting card company in the U.S.,
American Greetings Corporation, recently announced
it will lay off 1,500 employees as part of a restructuring
plan after a $127.7 million loss in its fourth quarter.
The Top 15 Layoff Greeting Cards
- Roses are red, violets are blue.
Al Gore's out of work, and so are you.
- Your writing was great! Such a way with cards!
Now please leave quietly or we'll call the guards.
- We all know that you're valuable,
You do so many things,
But we found someone for half your pay
With dreads and eyebrow rings.
- Your poems were sublime! Your work left us gaspin'!
But the prez wants to build a new condo in Aspen!
- Roses are red, violets are blue.
I wouldn't get sick, if I were you:
You've lost your job, and your insurance, too.
- Get Re-employed Soon!
- We realize that on this solemn day,
A part of our company goes with you.
We strongly suggest that you put it back.
Signed, the guys in Security.
- Don't think of it as getting older.
Think of it as dying penniless after a meal of Alpo on toast.
- You are invited to a layoff!
Date: Today
From: Management
For: Restructuring
Bring: Your belongings
- During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that you had your feet on the desk and your lazy ass was playing Minesweeper.
- At writing cute poems, you were the bomb,
but now we suggest: monster.com.
- We hope this friendly greeting card
Will ease your post-job tension,
At least until you find that we
Have pissed away your pension.
- In order to replace your work,
We'll have to count on Tom.
We're sure that he can handle
Surfing redhotbuns.com
- Your work was really wonderful,
But we have to boost our stock.
We're really sad to see you go --
Please don't rampage with your Glock.
and the Number 1 Layoff Greeting Card...
- You've been a great employee,
So diligent and true.
But there is no "i" in "our team,"
And now there is no "u."
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 128 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 1, 2 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, HM name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
- Jaime McCarley, Houston, TX -- 5 Email
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 6
- Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 7 Website
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 8 Website
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 9 Email / Website
- Steven Wilber, Pomeroy, WA -- 10 Email
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11 Email / Website
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 12, 14, RU name Email / Hall of Famer
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 13 Email / Website
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 15 Email / Website
- Cliff Herring, Salemburg, NC -- Topic
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- Topic
- Naomi Rose, East Farmingdale, NY -- Banner tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Steve Forbert, Meridian, MS -- Ambience (explanation)
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