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Top5 cocktail, stir-fried Top5, Top5 toast, barbecued Top5...
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April 24, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A British packaging firm says it has patented a
new package for cigarettes that can verbally warn
smokers about the risks of lighting up. The
company won't divulge what the package will say
when it's opened it to take out a cigarette, so
I guess it's up to us to venture a few guesses...
The Top 13 Talking Cigarette Pack Quotes
- "Warning: cigarettes give you a raspy voice that makes you sound as cool as you look."
- "[Cough] [hack hack] [cough] [thpt] Smooooth."
- "Don't worry; you have an extra lung."
- "All of a sudden, your wife nagging you about smoking isn't nearly as annoying, is it?"
- "...That was the sound of a 65-year-old smoker hocking up a lung oyster at three in the morning."
- "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a carrot stick?"
- "Betcha can't smoke just one."
- "I have less tar and nicotine than the leading brands, you big pansy."
- "Buy another pack. Tobacco settlements don't pay themselves, you know."
- "The Marlboro Man has determined that the Surgeon General is a pussy."
- "Each cigarette shortens your life by three minutes, so smoke faster."
- "You have smoked... THREE... packs today. At this rate you will develop emphysema in... FIVE... years."
and the Number 1 Talking Cigarette Pack Quote...
- "Hey, Cowboy! You smell like Slash's hair!"
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 136 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 1 (3rd #1) Email / Website
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 2 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 3, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email
- Laurie Northrup, Syracuse, NY -- 5 Website
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 6, 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 8 Website
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 9 Email
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 10 Email
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 11
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 12 Email
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 13 Email
- Tim Pickering, Baltimore, MD -- Topic
- Naomi Rose, East Farmingdale, NY -- Banner tag
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- List moderator, RU/HM names
- Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Soul Coughing, New York City, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.
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