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This list recorded in high-fidelity Laff-Surround (TM)
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May 6, 2003
The Top 16 Things That Can Get a
Gal Banned From the Women's Union
- "Okay, I admit it: More than six cats may be a bit excessive."
- You've had the faces of Moe and Larry tattooed on each breast -- and if a guy asks nicely, you'll show him where Curly resides.
- You regularly clean your ears out with a screwdriver.
- You put out a nice gingham tablecloth, then gut a freshly killed deer on it.
- Although you'd never do the old pull-my-finger gag, you love to play "squeeze my boob" with similar sound effects.
- Purchasing any greeting card featuring a chimp and a bikini.
- The whoopee cushion seemed like a good idea when you brought it into the meeting.
- You're already planning on lining up for tickets to the "Matrix" sequel.
- Instead of brushing your teeth on a Saturday morning, you use leftover beer as a mouthwash.
- Proposing that you take over as local precinct leader, then wussing out on the requisite knife fight to the death on the union hall roof.
- "Whoa! How about a courtesy flush over there, Diane?!?"
- You delay the decision to take your mom off life support until after the World Series.
- "Doing your nails" requires an air compressor and a power sander.
- Neglecting to pass on e-mails that are clearly marked: "Cute!! LOL!! Pass this on!"
- The stack of "Maxim" magazines piled on your toilet tank is paperweighted by a tub of petroleum jelly.
and the Number 1 Thing That Can Get a Gal Banned From the Women's Union...
- You loudly proclaim that if "Dumb and Dumber" isn't the best movie of all time, you'll give up chewing tobacco.
Selected from 99 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 1 (24th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 2
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 3
- Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- 4, 12, 14 (Hat trick!)
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA -- 4
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA -- 6, 15
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 7
- Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 8
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 9, HM list name Hall of Famer
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 10 Email / Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 11 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 13 Email
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 16 Email
- William Angus, Bogota, NJ -- Topic
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Runner Up list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Yellowman, Jamaica -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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