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A wretched hive of scum and -- hey, donuts!
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May 8, 2002
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Next month, the Oxford University Press will issue a new
version of the Kama Sutra that corrects some of the
translation errors that were included in Sir Richard
Burton's famous 1883 publication of the Indian erotic guide.
The Top 13 Surprises in the New Kama Sutra
(Part I)
- The most recommended new positions all require a Segway.
- "Warning: Objects on these pages are more limber than their real-life counterparts."
- That position on page 215 was *intended* as a back-scratching technique.
- The "Flying Tiger Lotus" position has been renamed "Really Good Way To Watch Satima's Boobies Bounce."
- Apparently, sex is supposed to be fun. Won't Mrs. Falwell be surprised?
- The "Trampoline" position is often followed by the "Hospital Bed" pose.
- The back seat of an SUV is an acceptable substitute for positions calling for making love on a water buffalo.
- The dedication page includes a shout-out to "the sultry sounds of Barry White."
- Turns out the best way to get a woman aroused is to blow gently into her *rear*.
- Yogi Todd claims: "I knew this one dude who tried to do #72, 'Entwined Serpents,' all by himself and got stuck that way. Seriously, man."
- Warning: Avoid the "Squatting Lotus" position after eating Mexican food.
- "The Flying Swan Anticipates the Ecstasy of Flight" from the original text is now correctly translated as "Lonely Dude Makes a Booty Call."
and the Number 1 Surprise in the New Kama Sutra...
- It's the simple story of a nerdy average lover bitten by a radioactive hooker.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 95 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 1 (21st #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 2 Email
- Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL -- 3 Email
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 4 Email
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 5
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 6
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 9 Email
- Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY -- 10 Website
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11 Email / Website
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Sue Lin Chong, Washington, DC -- Topic
- Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- Banner Tag Email / Website
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Flamin' Groovies, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience (explanation)
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TopFive.com and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
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