May 15, 2002
The Top 20 Personal Ads to Which You Shouldn't Respond
(R-rated version)
- Unemployed sideshow carny looking for attractive dental hygienist with experience in lice removal.
- Attention, cute girls! Strong in this one, the Force is. Contact me, you will.
- SBM-turned-DWM pop star seeks young, young, YOUNG male companions. Must like monkeys, llamas.
- SF sex kitten wanted to assist my octogenarian father in having a heart attack.
- Into Jell-O, Nazism, Carrot Top, rubber pants, Jiffy Pop, naked pictures of Janet Reno and masturbating to "Meet The Press." Household pets a plus. No weirdos.
- Single lungfish seeks same to dwell 18 inches deep in dry mud of African lake.
- Don't be shy, let's meet! You: 20-something female reading Dostoevsky at Barnes & Noble (5/10). Me: 40-something you quickly looked away from as I exited the men's room with a copy of Maxim magazine.
- Little Rascal seeks SWF for target practice.
- High-rankling US governementel functionerery seeks discreat mistress for erotical games. Must be fluented in English or Mexican.
- Wanted: SWF into fava beans, Chianti, fine dining.
- Law professor seeks well-prepared student with a willingness to be repeatedly Socratized.
- SWM into science fiction seeks woman with extremely large forehead. ngoQ: qa'vIn, lopno', nga'chug?
- Widowed Heisman Trophy winner seeks SWF for moonlight strolls, golf, search for real killers.
- SWM Internet comedy writers ISO SWFs for fun evening of strip Scrabble.
- Young SWM seeks woman with car who drives past the RadioShack on Elm Avenue on weekday mornings.
- MJF seeks SJF for her romantically-unmotivated, Village-People-loving SJM son.
- You want cottage cheese? I GOT COTTAGE CHEESE, BABY!
- Full-figured SWF needs TLC, but will settle for BLT.
- Share gas on cross-country road trip. Must enjoy rural routes, grunge music. Have a nice day!
and the Number 1 Personal Ad to Which You Shouldn't Respond...
- Massively endowed billionaire former professional athlete/model compulsive liar looking for extremely gullible woman to accompany me on a trip to Sweden to pick up my Nobel Prize. P.S. I bathe regularly.
Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 126 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 1 (11th #1) Email
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 2
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 2 Email
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 3 Website
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 4, Topic Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 5, 14 Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL -- 5, 16 Email
- Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 6, 18
- Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA -- 7
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 8, 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 8, 18, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 8 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9 Email
- Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT -- 9
- Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- 11
- Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- 13
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 15
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 16
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 17 Email / Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 19 Email
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 20
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- Banner Tag Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Bob Mould, Malone, NY -- Ambience (explanation)
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